My mother -in- law me the other day a question that should have been easy enough to answer. Whether I was a goal oriented person or a spontaneous person that waits for things to pop up? It was challenging to think about due to the fact that the answer is Yes on both ends. Sure I have goals, but for me they are fluid and always changing, which is where spontaneity comes in handy, following the random path that My life veers to. And since having a child it’s been more spontaneity , for 15 months I was able stay home, not living by a strict schedule or time line, and not needing to have an end goal to my day, which taught me a lot. When you make the switch from being in the work for since age 15 to “freedom" (using this term very loosely) of being only mommy for a time, it’s liberating and challenging at the same time. You can’t stick with a solid schedule. If your time table get screwed up, you have to get over it quickly. Your time is no longer just your own. Previous “Goals” change or become less important or pushed to the back burner. At least for me it’s this way.
Almost five months back into the work force, I find myself struggling to create that balance I once thought I had. My goals have changed so many time throughout this past year and my life so far, that I come to accept that. Impermanence, nothing is set in stone.
I have always hated the question “where do you see yourself in five years". I know I can't be alone in this thought. I don’t know if I have ever been comfortable with my answer to this question. Anytime this question is asked, I feel like the answer has to be catered to that particular situation or it’s considered a wrong answer. But is it wrong? Isn’t it your future? Why do I need to envision in myself anywhere different from right where I am? Living by the moment or day. The yogi in me applauds this, because we are striving to stay grounded in the present moment. If you focus to far in the future you can get obsessed with getting there and miss the journey. The goal oriented portion of me screams to get back on “track”. Is it possible to live somewhere in the middle? I guess that’s what we are here to figure out.
At the end of every class I teach, I have students to recall their intentions that they set in the beginning, and then ask them to notice if it is the same or if it has changed. In my own practice I’ve notice sometimes it needs to change because I am not the same person who stepped on my mat in the beginning of class and I am challenging them to realize that they aren’t always the same person either. The same thing goes with day to day life.
The start of the year always brings new resolutions, new goals, and new expectations. For this year my goal, is to find the balance with fluidity.
I originally wrote this post January 2018 and now we are in August 2020, a lifetime of change and uncertainty has occurred in the world since then. The thoughts and feelings I wrote about 2.5 years ago, still resonate today, maybe even more so now.
Last August, a major shift happened, I decided to take another spontaneous leap and open my own Private Practice, Rooted Nest LLC. , a small home-based yoga and wellness studio in Wilmington Delaware.
As I enter this new chapter in my journey, it seems fitting to retouch on my original thoughts about Goals vs. Fluidity and to notice that there is a way to meet in the Middle.